Dots Connect

Celebrating the beautiful, messy, and abstract images our lives create

Enjoying a favorite childhood activity and the delightful experience of seeing an image come to life simply by connecting dot 1 to 2, 2 to 3, 3 to 4, and so on.

Do you remember the connect-the-dot books from your childhood? The ones with pages upon pages of images waiting to come to life? Where all you had to do was take your pencil or crayon and connect dots 1 to 2, 2 to 3, 3 to 4, 4 to 5.... and at the end, you came out with these fantastic pictures … a castle, a butterfly, a robot….anything that you can imagine…

So began the first speech I delivered for my Toastmasters Club in April 2018.

If you're unfamiliar, Toastmasters is a public speaking organization with regional clubs all over the globe. What on earth possessed me to join, I still don't quite understand. Like so many other humans, I am terrified of getting up and speaking in front of others. I've been known to break out into hives simply by introducing myself while sitting around a conference room table. 

But there I was on April 12, 2018, on the 10th floor of a building on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, standing in front of about 30 people delivering my "Icebreaker" speech.¹

At the time, I was going through quite a big transition in my life, and this speech allowed me to process the whirl of thoughts, feelings, and emotions spinning around in my head and heart. 

It also would provide the inspiration for the name of my future business (Connecting Dots Coaching & Consulting LLC) and this Substack publication.

But that's me getting ahead of myself. These are dots I'm only able to connect here and now in 2023, but back in 2018, they were still unknown to me. 

Looking back

Here is the (slightly edited for the written format) speech I delivered back in 2018:

Do you remember the connect-the-dot books from your childhood? The ones with pages upon pages of images waiting to come to life? Where all you had to do was take your pencil or crayon and connect dots 1 to 2, 2 to 3, 3 to 4, 4 to 5.... and at the end, you came out with these fantastic pictures … a castle, a butterfly, a robot….anything that you can imagine.

These books and a quote from Steve Jobs came to mind as I prepared this icebreaker speech, as I've been thinking a lot about connection lately.

You can't connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards.  - Steve Jobs

This quote resonates with me at this particular moment in my life as I find myself at a point where I'm trying to figure out what's next.

You see, two months ago, I quit my job. No, not in the blaze of glory we all secretly (or not so secretly) dream of, but after a series of conversations with my boss that allowed me to secure my position for a few months while they looked for my replacement and while I figure out what to do next. 

I've been working in advertising and marketing for almost 20 years. Helping my clients bring their messages out to the world, expand their reach, and connect with their audience. 

And I'd come to a point and the realization that I was continuing in the same direction I've been for almost two decades — one with a clearly defined career path, one that made sense and was expected but not one that was particularly fulfilling for me anyway, ultimately not what I wanted.

Maybe it's time for me to bring my own messages out to the world, expand my reach, and connect with my audience. ²

After years of hard work, long hours, and focusing on what I was supposed to do, what I "should" do, I needed time and space to figure things out for myself.

So lately, I've been doing a lot of thinking… A LOT

And asking myself many questions… many, many, many questions. Like:

What do I want to do? 

Where do I want to live? 

Have you lost your mind? 

What industry interests me? 

Who do I want to be?

Should I get a job at another company or go out on my own? 

New York or Timbuktu?  

But seriously, have you lost your mind? What have you done?

What is next???

So here I am, about halfway through this in-between phase — still working but seeing that come to an end — and realizing I have yet to make any definitive decisions or plans on what comes next. Still trying to figure out how it all connects. 

You don't know me. That's what this speech is all about, right? But quitting my job without a clear plan for what's next? That's not me.

I'm a rule follower. The one who does the right thing (or tries to). I read the directions (two or three times) and follow recipes to the letter.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for spontaneity. I just like to control the amount of it in my life.  

And yes, I've looked back. And yes, in hindsight, I can see how all those dots have connected. How they have brought me here.

Not in a straight line, but in a messy and confused configuration with a lot of twists and turns along the way. How the people, circumstances, choices, wins, losses, happenstance, and sheer luck (good and bad) have moved me, changed me, molded me, and brought me here.

I'd tell you all about it, but this is only a 5-minute speech — perhaps fodder for the next nine to come.³ 

So, if the road that brought me here was so windy, why should I expect or want anything different for my future? If the past has taught me anything, it's that life is unpredictable, so why should I aim for predictability? As they say, life is what happens when you are busy making plans.  

What I do know is... 

Looking forward, I am equal parts exhilarated and petrified. And I've been trying to let that exhilarated part of me lead the way. Because perhaps it's time she does. 

There's a second part to that Steve Jobs quote:

So, you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.  - Steve Jobs

How will it all come together? What is to come? I really don't know. 

Unlike the connect-the-dots books we played with as kids, we don't get the luxury of markings pointing you to your next dot — connect 1 to 2, 2 to 3, 3 to 4, and so on. Life is much messier, creating a more abstract image. But I would argue that it is all the more beautiful because of it.   

I don't know what my image will reveal. I'm not sure that's the point. I'm more excited about moving forward and uncovering how the dots connect.

Back in the here and now

I can see now how all the dots from that moment almost six years ago have connected me to where I am today. It wasn't a straight path by any means; there were some intense hairpin turns, ruts, bumps, and sometimes what felt like endless detours. But there were also parts with smooth roads, idyllic scenery, and great company. More often than not, it was a series of nothing-special stretches (though in hindsight, I can see how those moments provided a much-needed respite and allowed me to catch my breath).

Like that 2018 version of me, I can't see what's ahead or how the dots will connect moving forward. I just trust that they will, as they always have. 

That still equal parts exhilarates and petrifies me. And I’m going to continue to let that exhilarated part of me lead the way.

1. The "Icebreaker" speech is meant to ease you in and get you used to speaking in front of an audience. Your assignment is to introduce yourself by sharing something about yourself in about five minutes. (What felt like an eternity at the time!)

2. Rereading this 5+ years later surprises me. When I gave this speech, I don't believe I had consciously decided to leave the more traditional and familiar corporate workforce altogether. But here I am talking about taking a much bigger leap and doing something on my own — a reality still years in the making. I'm grateful I've saved these speeches and for the many journals I've kept over the years, which act as mini time capsules connecting my present with my past.

3. When I joined Toastmasters, the "Icebreaker" was the first in a series of 10 speeches aimed at improving my public speaking skills. I'm proud to say that after some stops and starts, I finally completed my 10th speech this year. Another 2023 win to add to my list!